When your partner wont touch you, there could be infidelity involved, 6. Share the moments and activities she loves and see how your desirability shoots for the clouds. Copyright 2023 Older Adults Technology Services, Inc. All rights reserved. The wife does not want to start sex and me asking her OVER and OVER and OVER got to her and her rejections and excuses got to me felt like there is always some excuse. I feel Im too old to do anything to cause me to have to be alone. Unfortunately a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and under went surgery that shut me don sexually (I couldnt even masturbate any more) This has killed all hope we had to try and have a sexually normal marriage. I am sorry I stayed, but life, illness, dementia parents and a son kept me in this sexless marriage. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. I dont look my age at all! We have been married 38 years, and we love each other very much. ITS HIS POUTING and defeatist attitude! Seeing a therapist or speaking with her doctor about her mental health is a step in the right direction to help you recognize the woman you fell in love with. A lot of people are martyrs when it comes to sex. I NEED an active partner. Ever again. Ive moved on!!! My wife and I have been a couple for 51 years (since 1971). We dont really argue and enjoy each others company. Loved and desired! I think that for me I need the human touch of a mature woman. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. Thanks Buck for being brutally honest, I can relate to it and know how much painful it is, seeing your wife everyday but I cant even hold her because shell embarrass me with a comeback that all I want is sex and Ill get humiliated and will just eventually die inside. Sh. Or some reasons could be the female body experiencing pain, limitations, hormonal imbalances, etc. For the past eight years it has been like I am married to my sister. I know we are very different people and and I am not trying to change her as much as letting her know the effects of being so distant and often dismissing my feelings yet I have to be totally responsive to her to keep her happy. Hi, Nice advice. My husband and I have been married 6 years. If it wasnt for this site I would had forgotten that the word sex even existed! For me and many others, this is a serious problem and we are, well, desperate for solutions. Im mid 50s married man who has ED and low T. I have always had a lower desire. If you think Im going to live the rest of my life without sex your absolutely out of your mind. A pill? There is some offensiveness directed towards men but I can benefit from your observations. Take care of your body and mind! If I spend time or money on them, I get ridiculed. The guy is a magnet! Since husbands are usually thought to be the problem regardless of whether the wife or the husband doesnt want sex, I should say that I do my fair share (50%+) of house chores, am emotionally supportive of her, and a nice guy, but that is irrelevant. I read this with interest. // IMPORTANT: Replace EXAMPLE with your forum shortname! You can bring up your feelings about the importance of sex in your relationship so that she knows and can let you know what she has the capacity for. You know what I dont need to know the answer. 2. This is hard, because of my upbringing and the fact she is a wonderful person in every other way. We had an active sex life and I miss the physical part of our lives. Here is the rub though. Feel like I wasted my life!!! I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. Recently she will get naked and say I just want you to cum. Weve been married for 37 years. Womens sex drives are based on fulfilling other non sexual needs such as wedding, marriage, home ownership, babies, cars, money etc etc. Ive tried vacations, dates, sex toys, lubricants, vitamins, blah blah blah..when a gal is not sexually attracted to you and is generally more than willing to never have sex again cuz (insert the reason I dont understand here) shes not going to change at 70. Emotional connection is the starter and it is counterproductive if her man is resentful or walking around with head down and needy. You were something new, mysterious, independently confident, self-respecting, self-motivated and unpredictable. For a woman, as she ages, she needs time to get into that sexual mindset and anticipation is a great aphrodisiac. As if I was only there as a sperm donor. There is only so much I can fantasize masturbate and flirt. If theyve been fighting the whole day, physical intimacy is the last thing on their mind. Senior Planets comments are open for all readers/subscribers; we love hearing from you! document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Join us online to gain access to exclusive benefits and opportunities only for Senior Planet Supporters! Your stereotypes are both incorrect AND insulting. Research, psychologists, and Google can offer ideas, but only your wife herself can tell you why she doesn't want to have sex with you: Working a full-time job in addition to running household errands and caring for kids can be exhausting and stressful, so some women may simply feel too busy and overworked to have any energy for sex. But, and hopefully it is, if you still connect at that level in any way, please do so. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. We have been convinced to settle and accept less. My Wife is Not Affectionate Anymore | The Modern Man Why would anyone want to have sex with your pessimistic, crotchety, excuse-ridden ass? I am 66 and my wife is 62. I love her but I need sex I cant survive with masturbation, being with a woman and everything that goes with it is so important to me. Im gonna ask you a serious question please be honest. He is always sitting alone. A person wants to, and intends to, stay faithful to their spouse in a sexless marriage and be a good Catholic at the same time is faced with, what seems to me, a no win situation. Divorce isnt either Im not ever going to hurt her. You risk losing it all for the same quick minute that you already have with your wife. As for me, never. * RECOMMENDED CONFIGURATION VARIABLES: EDIT AND UNCOMMENT I gotta stop coming here and reading this. Wrong! That you would elevate paid sex with a stranger above the shared intimacy and love found only after years together as partners says even more. Our house is free and clear which is due to my earning a lot over 30 years and being conservative with money. Well, I am more than happy to say that our marriage has lasted for over 56 years and I know that we are still together mostly due to the fact that we are best friends. Our marriage still isnt consummated, and this grieves me as I yearn to be loved in this way. I love him more than the day we were married many many years ago. 10 year sexless marriage. Life is tough, and tougher knowing you are not going to get laid. Related Reading: 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. And I am one of those. He feels unwanted or unappreciated. My husband and I are working on these issues now, and it takes some serious ,painful discussion. She has rejected counseling and even criticizes my masterbation or porn. If your wife is avoiding sex, the emotional connect is missing, 5. Im so confused. Though she died quickly sex was never discussed and I can assure you my marriage was a bed of rock. I refuse to live out my life not feeling special. Medication also he ls good to me but his hobby ls everything to him he jokes around with me we are like room For men the cost is being far more productive than hed need to be if caring only for himself and to forsake all other partners in pairing with his wife exclusively. I was disabled when she met me, so Im it cant be because of money. Wife Doesn't Want You To Touch Her? (Understand its Meaning) We both have health issues Suggest to her that she will have control of the situation. What do you think a man can do and should do in these cases ??? She asked me to get castrated because Sex is hurting her. I take it religiously, because it helps me in the gym and with mental clarity. He is overly stressed from work. Should they chew the food and pretend it tastes wonderful? Foreplay isnt just in the bedroom before sex. He expects lunch and dinner to be made for him every day, He drinks beer by the gallon and he gives nothing to this marriage. We used lubricant but it still wasnt very effective the last time. This isnt totally new for him either. Shes my buddy. I dont understand. . s.src = 'https://EXAMPLE.disqus.com/embed.js'; Women arent suitable for long term monogamy. Wake up. Yes, we are accused of such, and rightly so quite often; but, no, we are sentient, thinking human beings. Maybe you are the only one getting pleased and thats not fun. I mean, we have a nightly generic kiss and slight hug say goodnight. It pains Mike and me to hear that women can suffer this way too. Surprise her by getting a sitter and taking her to a nice dinner. And sadly that is not my situation. So, before you start saying things like, My wife never touches me anymore, and misunderstand the problem that youre actually facing, its vital that you try to focus more on why your wife never initiates physical contact. It will never balance out. They learn to accept the situation and carry on with life. My wife has offered to let me move on, the problem is I love her and everything else about our relationship. that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a womans sexual functions. I am planning a divorce, as I wont live out the remaining 20-30 years of my life without love and affection. The gender doesnt matter here, but if you have trust issues, its eventually going to lead to resentment. Be gentle and calm when you bring it up. Someone who spends all their time on the computer or their phone is looking for something or someone other than the person they are with. I hope that she too will woo me, always, as well. Thanks for pointing out that marriage therapy can also help with problems about having a sexless marriage. But at this point I dont think her interest in sex will ever revive, so what would your advice be? So all women who married men and saw this first hand, from 14 to 80. She is unhappy with your lack of hygiene, 12. I only wrote this, to just say it. He decided hed have an affair. We could be spontaneous. I feel very blessed, because my gynecologist put me on low dose hormone therapy. I dont have many helpful things to add but I am getting on with life, there is more to do than sit around wallowing in sexlessness. When theres a disconnect and communication gaps that lead to resentment, the hostility will make itself apparent in some way or the other, says Gopa. Read the first sentence again. If they need get that only from you, so be it. Perhaps there's a desire discrepancy between you, whether in general or just at this particular time in your lives, and you're both very aware of it. I appear to have some value to her as a friend, roommate, handyman, gardner, earner, companion, but not in any intimate way. I say I know exactly what youre taking about because my wife has had four back surgeries and we have sex RARELY! A free doctor approved gut health guide featuring shopping lists, recipes, and tips. Feminism has a lot to answer for; there seems to be too many mismatched females being vocal, when this has been a male affliction to be saddled with an undersexed female. So not only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. Lack of interest does not equate to lack of love. Sure I wish I could be confident in her skin too but Im not going to let it overwhelm me. I have a TON of frustration that has built up for years. Just be sensitive to what she's going through: If she's dealing with a significant illness or painful condition, for example, it may not be appropriate to push for more sex at this time. Stay with it, work on it with her. If thats the reason why your wife avoids intimacy, you have to drive home the importance of intimacy between a couple for a happy, healthy marriage. She saw her doctor and prescribed a lube but it irritated her. And I still dont even know why! The guy is obviously attracted to you and enjoys your company or why the 30 year dating? I was being shipped out to Vietnam and we both were afraid of losing eachother. As I explained before on seniorplanet.org, spontaneous desire just happens, while responsive desire only happens after a womans body starts getting aroused. Yeah. I just dont get it. The vast majority are trained to be misandrists and far too many are grotesquely unethical. (Side note: why do women get to have multiple organisms?). Its is not your role. Every study I have ever seen says its over twice as likely for the woman to be the one withholding. Around year 3 it was 1x week and that lasted another 5 when it became about 1x a week. Obviously, if a person is feeling low and theyre feeling depressed, theyre not going to want to interact with others, theyre going to want to isolate themselves. There's nothing wrong with the lower-libido partnerthey simply just don't want sex as often as the other person. He got the pill from the dr, but with his weight and age, I was just too scared for him to try it. . Thats not going to make you happy in the long run!!! I have often thought about having an affair but I just dont know how to approach going that direction. We might as well bring up the time tested alternative. . It is frustrating, but I would never give up our marriage over it. I didnt sign up for this garbage! My wife is an alcoholic so mood swings are often. // Replace PAGE_URL with your page's canonical URL variable If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. Empathy is about feeling her burdens and sitting with them instead of trying to solve them. What to do about it: Don't jump to conclusions. Too much trouble. Were just a hole for your pole . Thats something that you honestly need to ask yourself. But whatever you do, never go to therapists. Grab Now! I actually stopped having sex with her last night because she told me to hurry up. When is the last time you did something romantic for her without expecting sex in return? Sounds like you were already successful and that attracted her to you. If you build sex up to be a giant deal, youre putting pressure on both you and your wife. . Sounds like you had a good long run and shouldnt be complaining. If there is resentments in the home then it will not happen. Shes sorry, but I love her and say its ok. Shes particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She is a poor communicator and no matter how much I ask she gives me the silent treatment and thinks its OK. But it nearly tore us apart. 2. Important note: The only way to find out exactly why your wife is not interested in sex is to ask her yourself. He started blaming his medication but when I checked that out he moved on to another excuse. From that point on, Croatia, Greece Island, every best ski area out west. And yes thank goodness for self stimulation but what I wouldnt give for a womans touch!!! Meanwhile. First, that every interaction will be based on trust. He has no desire. I say, screw your desire lol. Our finances have never been merged and the only money between us has been my initial investment in her business. You should know the truth brother. It is one of the classic signs of a cheating wife and if your gut tells you somethings up, it may be worth investigating it a bit further. It all goes to show that marriage is worthless and now even worse because there is no sexual obligation. That you are incapable or unwilling to engage in a relationship with a woman as an equal says a lot more about you than it does about marriage. Thats a depressing thought too. It is possible that a lack of sex may have shifted your focus on physical intimacy whereas a lack of emotional intimacy may be driving your wife away from the idea of sex. Prostate cancer or vaginal dryness does not preclude you from meeting the sexual needs of your partner out of laziness and a lack of giving a shit. I hate her for cheating me out of sex. I agree, once they stop theres nothing thats going to get them interested or willing to do it again. Im 47 and this happened to me. Married 30 years now. Men my advice is dont get married or move in with women if you love sex. Gopa explains how having a partner who has severe trust issues can also be the reason why theres no intimacy in marriage from the wife. I know this because that is what I do, but I have never been more unhappy in my life. Women love that. I think because I really enjoyed masturbating from my semenarche to marriage, I brought in a healthy way of looking at sex. We have had a fall out now and it is the elephant Is this the same advice you would give a man that is in a sexless marriage? Key points. I could do as well financially as a single person and there are women who would be happy with what I can provide, both financially and intimately. I enjoy sex, but I am often fatigued and have low energy. I cannot hurt him. I think if my husband was interested in sex, even if it is too small and limp now, he would at least try to help ease my throbbing desire. And LATINA. Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. I didnt have children hoping and wishing things would change!!! I am 62 and my husband is 63. If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. "The identity of a young parent can become entirely entwined with that of the children. Thats what hurts me is the constant rejection. Men dont want to force their wives into sex, nor do they want to beg for it. My husband and I both have gained weight. If men put in as much energy they put in sneaking around spending money on hookers and put all of his energy on his wife by taking 50% of the household chores and helping his wife out with the kids and having him spice up their sex lives you will see more action in the bedroom then before as long as you are sweet and loving towards her you will always get lucky.
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my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore